When you are going through divorce proceedings and children are involved, the matters get much more complicated. These children are innocent victims of the situation, yet they tend to shoulder the blame for what is happening to their parents. Divorce cases are extremely emotional, and taking the time to understand what your children are feeling at this moment can stop a bad situation from getting worse. Here are some useful tips for helping your child through a divorce.
Stop Pitting The Child Against Your Ex
Regardless what the cause of the divorce, this is an issue between two adults that needs to be dealt with very carefully. In many cases, one parent is so irate with the other that they strike out any way they can that will hurt the other. By convincing the child to be mad at the other parent, you bring children into a situation that they have no business being a part of. Never try to pit the children against the other parent, it will often hurt the child emotionally for the rest of their life. The child loves both parents, and at one point both parents were in love enough to bring these children into the world. The children need to be assured during this time that they are not losing a parent, just living arrangements.
Confirming the Child is Innocent
Divorce is difficult for children because they tend to look back and find reasons why they may have been responsible for what has happened to their family. Helping your child through a divorce is all about reassuring them that they are not the cause of the problem. Depending on the age of the children, explain to them in terms that they can understand that both parents still love the children, but they can no longer live together. Remind the children this issue is not of their doing, and try to be on best behavior around your partner during the process. Children see the divorce playing out much different, as their whole world is being changed without understanding all the reasons why.
When left to fill in those pieces of the divorce questions, children blame themselves for everything, and this can put them on a long road of destructive behavior. Both parents need to calmly reassure the child they are not the cause. Children listen to everything that is happening around them very carefully and do not understand many things that parents do. To help the child deal with the divorce, take the time to explain to them the process, the causes of the divorce, and how they will always have a roof over their head with one of the parents.